Woooooooo-ee this summer has been crazy! Emotionally, it has been a bit of an up and down type of living, but its all good. Below is a blogpost that I began to write about 2 weeks ago, but i got so frustrated by the situation that I never finished it...
The mind numbing purposelessness that I am enjoying this summer is starting to get to me. Today I wrestled with my dog for a long time. That was probably the most exciting thing that happened.I'm thinking about what gives a routine purpose and meaning. Why is it that going out into the community and doing something (even shopping!) is more fulfilling than watching movies all day?I know that lazy people are called fools in wisdom, but what happens when the hard working person doesn't have anything to do other than read and exist?
All butterflies and sunflowers, right? Hah! Hardly. Since then a lot has happened and a lot of different things have begun to challenge me in ways that I didn't expect.
For one, I think God was pulling me to a place of extreme comfort (and therefore, discomfort) for a reason. I'm a people oriented person who basically interacts only with my parents, or no one for long periods of time. Tomorrow my parents are getting on a plane and flying to Australia to see their first grandchild born, leaving me behind to watch our house. I don't have any idea what I'm going to do for THREE WEEKS. I'm becoming more and more oriented toward social justice and the gospel, but I find myself in a wealthy white suburban neighborhood. Ironic? I'm almost always one of the people that "gets in" with something that i work toward (this is applying to a job- I had an internship lined up), but i have found myself unemployed without any real source of income.
All of this has been fleshed out to show one main thing- when God wants to get your attention, he can completely move around the things in your life that are comforting to you so that he will become numero uno once again. whether it was my relationships, my pride, my ideas, or my future, God moved them all so that I would be broken for him once again. Since i've realized all of this, I've appreciated things about God once again.
- His never-ending, always abundant grace. Sitting in a communion service I was struck in my heart about my sinfulness and how much I had turned from God. It was ever so gradual, but deviation from God's way is the wrong way. Thanks for reminding me big guy.
- With hard work comes fulfillment. I can't just sit on my hands and wait until the last minute to finish something. I could have healthy relationships with the people in the area, but my mentality of "this isn't my home- Taylor is" gets in the way of community with the church. Looks like I'm the knuckle-head that missed out on all of the life happening around me. Stupid me!
- When God is center, my life's orbits are correct. Trying to make Bethany the center or my employment or my future will always leave me feeling let down and cheated. Only Christ can re-calibrate my motives so that I become the man i'm supposed to be. With Christ as the sun, my life's planets are in alignment. (SUCH GOOD PLAY ON WORDS OMGOMGOMG)
So, here's to tough times when we don't have any idea what God has in store for us. While I don't get everything right all the time (most of the time, really) I know i'm a work in progress and that what i'll be for the rest of my earthly life.